I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
