my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
