It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
