you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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