we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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