I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize