I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
