That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
