I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
