hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
