we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
