I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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