i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
