Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
