I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
