just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
