This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
