i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
