Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
