If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
