I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
