I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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