she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
