We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
