She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
