do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
