True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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