I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
