It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
