I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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