yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
