I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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