Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize