Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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