yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize