If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
