Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Farmville is her only friend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
