We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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