I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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