that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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