Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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