MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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