i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
