Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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