i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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