The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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