I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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