so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
