It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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