guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
