The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
