if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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