I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
