Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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