Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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