I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
