you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
