I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
