The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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