2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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