we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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