She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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