then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
